Trust your instincts

This month marked a big milestone in LJ’s life, she was starting nursery. I had decided to give it a go for two reasons; 1) she’s a little delayed in her speech and I thought this might have helped her; 2) I want to build Bristol Baby as a business and I’m struggling to fit this in between her naps and evenings so an extra day toddler free would be ideal.

I found a lovely nursery and booked in two trials for her. I had some really helpful advice from friends and family and mamas on Instagram. Everyone said that she would cry at first but grow to love it eventually. And that I needed to try and stay strong and positive for her.  

So the first trial came, I dropped her off and she didn’t cry which was brilliant. I was a nervous wreck, but managed to occupy myself until I picked her up. When I collected her I found her sobbing in the arms of a nursery assistant. She was very distressed. I really struggled to keep it together when I saw her. But, Okay, I thought, that’s understandable, next time she’ll know I’m coming back. Maybe she thought I had left her forever.

The second trial came around a week later. She was fine going in, but when I turned to leave, she began to scream and cry. She was beside herself. The assistants were amazing reassuring me and cuddling LJ. This time I didn’t keep it together. I practically ran out of the nursery, tears streaming down my face. I was fighting every instinct to go back in there and take her home.

That was probably the hardest thing I have ever had to do, I felt sick. I clock watched until I could go and pick her up. This time when I went in, she was again sobbing in the arms of an assistant and shaking. She looked like she was in shock.

I knew, in my gut, that this wasn’t the right thing for her. I had made a mistake. This wasn’t the right time, it was way too soon. I needed to trust my instincts, do a complete 360 degree turn around and change my mind. 

As a mama you are always told to trust your instincts when it comes to your baby. When LJ was young I found this really hard to do, I felt like saying I’m new at this, I don’t have any instincts yet! I feel like my instincts have developed over time, I’ve been learning to understand my little girl for 2 years. This is the first time in my life as a mama that I felt my instincts super strongly, there was no doubt in my mind, and thankfully I was in a position to listen to them and act on them.

We’ll be giving nursery a miss until she’s older, and that’s okay, all kids are different and need to develop and grow at their own pace, in their own time, ️just like us mamas. ️


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